Sick Puppies Items

Sick Puppies World Crew News Webcast has contests almost every month I think, or at least some time now and then. In February they had a contest where you would take 6 lines from 3 songs and make a poem. I first remembered wrong and thought 6 lines from 6 songs or something like that ... Then I checked the section again and got to redo. This was my poem.

I`ve had too many days
Where I`m ready to break
The words circling in my brain
Tell me when it`s over
The scars too hard to hide
I should`ve known better

When the video was uploaded, I got an email from SPWC News that my poem was fantastic, but I did not win, but since I had participated in the competition they wanted to send some Sick Puppies items for me. And today I finally got it. Nothing special really, but still. Among other things, a bottle opener that you can put in your key ring. Would not it be a bottle opener, I would probably put it in the zipper on the jacket. :)

Easier without dreams

I'm pretty close to a depression, I feel. But I think I've been a little depressed earlier in fact.
Sure, there are those who have it much worse, and there are more than me who have it like this, but that doesn't make it easier for me, and it doesn't give me more money.
I'm almost 30, and then I'll probably panic. I'll probably will soon. One reason is that I really don't want to get old, I don't want to die. Another reason is that I start getting too old for some things I want to do.
Just because I finally decided to follow my dreams, and so there is a huge obstacle called money. NOW when I actually want to try, for it to actually happen something someday, no I can not because I have no money. I should have started after High School, but I never did.
Because it's much easier to dream and desire, than to actually do it. And now that I actually decided to try, before I get too old, then you can't! I can't even afford to go to auditions here. Don't understand why I sent an audition video to the USA, because I have zero chance, although I can see myself in that particular role. But I'm hardly good enough. I'm not the kind that slides in on a banana ....
I've been on some casting sites for some years now, but almost did not look for anything. Have either been thinking that I can't afford, or that I work and it might not be so easy to take time off, especially if it's only as an Extra, and you get to know on short notice. And I know that you can ... I will never get to do something, just because I have done so little, and because I can't afford to go!
Then other dreams and things you want ... I want a horse. Is it really too much to ask? I want to go some educations. Is it really too much to ask? I want to start it back up, get the educations in order to offer more. Is it really too much to ask?
It is clearly not meant for me to be something!
I will probably never get to publish some of my books either. I will never get my scripts made into films. Everything I write will just be for me. I won't be surprised.
I will not just sit there when I'm 60 and regret everything I didn' do. I'll be thinking of things I wanted to do, but couldn't, just because I had no money.
I have to get out of not daring and being afraid of not being good enough, and try following my dreams, before it really is too late. But how the heck do you do that when there is no money! Damn that things costs so damn much!
It's obvious that I'm going to be something.

So cold!

Got up at 7.10 this morning to take Troy for a walk and then get back to bed. It was -28 degrees celsius! So we were only out for about 20 minutes. And then when I took him fo a short walk again about 12.45 it was -25 degrees celsius. Just a little warmer, but when it`s this cold you don`t really notice it. You can tell it`s February... But I hope it will not be this cold all month.

Sick Puppies - You`re going down Unplugged

I`ve been listening to Sick Puppies a lot lately. I practically live on Youtube cause I haven`t bought the albums yet. But I will as soon as I can. The more I listen to them, the more I like them.
Today I watched a video for You`re going down unplugged. I really like the Tri-Polar version, but this unplugged version is just... amazing. I really love it. It´s on repeat and I don`t know how many times I`ve listened to it.

I tried

For over a week I worked on making an audition tape for a movie. It wasn`t that easy actually. First I used my webcam, then my sister filmed me with he camera. But the first time she could only take some pictures cause the battery was too low.
And when at went to my sister to put the pictures on the CD or what I was going to do, I first emailed my resume to myself, but then when I checked my email, I forgot a letter...
So it´s been a little difficult.
But I sent the audition tapes last Tuesday, so hopefully they will get it. I don`t stand a chance, cause I don´t live in the right country, and I don`t have enouhg acting experience. But at least I tried...

I have decided

Dreaming isn`t getting you anywhere. I have to forget I´m scared of flying. Cause I really wnat to go to the USA. And I really want to be an actress. And how is that going to happen if I don`t anything? The only problem is, I`m not in the USA.... How can I get a acting job there, when I´m not even there? And I haven´t done much at all, so I won`t be able to get an agent.
If I wasn`t so scared of flying I would have gone to the USA several years ago, cause the flying is the only thing really stopping me.
I have my moments when I think, now I`m going to do this. Write my stories, write the scripts, send the stories to publishing houses. Well the last part is what is the easiest thing to do.
I don´t want to go alone to the USA. If I had someone to go with me it would be a lot easier, but I don`t know. Maybe I would have to go alone.
But I have to give a try. I really want it. But nothing will happen if you just sit and wait for it. Nothing will happen if you don`t try.
So. I have to give it a try. I really have to do it. So I´m going to put my other dreams aside and go to the USA as soon as I can. I think. I hope.

Why does everything cost so damn much?

I`m not supposed to do anything, cause everything cost so damn much and I don´t have any money. I want this education to be a physioterapist for horses but it´s so expensive. I´ve taken some of the classes before, but since then they have developed the education and it´s much more now. And costs much more...
I´ve wanted this education before but have opted out it cause it cost too much. Now I really want this education so I can start my buisness again and have more to offer. If I´m going to educate myself again, I want an education like this.
But I`m not meant to do so, obviously.
I want to get a horse, but that won`t happen in many, many years casue I can`t get a loan, and I don´t have a job.
I`m not sure I believe in it, but sometimes it feels like there is someone up there looking down on me and thinking she`s not gonna have any luck, she`s just going to want and dream about things, but nothing is going to come true.