I tried

For over a week I worked on making an audition tape for a movie. It wasn`t that easy actually. First I used my webcam, then my sister filmed me with he camera. But the first time she could only take some pictures cause the battery was too low.
And when at went to my sister to put the pictures on the CD or what I was going to do, I first emailed my resume to myself, but then when I checked my email, I forgot a letter...
So it´s been a little difficult.
But I sent the audition tapes last Tuesday, so hopefully they will get it. I don`t stand a chance, cause I don´t live in the right country, and I don`t have enouhg acting experience. But at least I tried...

I have decided

Dreaming isn`t getting you anywhere. I have to forget I´m scared of flying. Cause I really wnat to go to the USA. And I really want to be an actress. And how is that going to happen if I don`t anything? The only problem is, I`m not in the USA.... How can I get a acting job there, when I´m not even there? And I haven´t done much at all, so I won`t be able to get an agent.
If I wasn`t so scared of flying I would have gone to the USA several years ago, cause the flying is the only thing really stopping me.
I have my moments when I think, now I`m going to do this. Write my stories, write the scripts, send the stories to publishing houses. Well the last part is what is the easiest thing to do.
I don´t want to go alone to the USA. If I had someone to go with me it would be a lot easier, but I don`t know. Maybe I would have to go alone.
But I have to give a try. I really want it. But nothing will happen if you just sit and wait for it. Nothing will happen if you don`t try.
So. I have to give it a try. I really have to do it. So I´m going to put my other dreams aside and go to the USA as soon as I can. I think. I hope.

Why does everything cost so damn much?

I`m not supposed to do anything, cause everything cost so damn much and I don´t have any money. I want this education to be a physioterapist for horses but it´s so expensive. I´ve taken some of the classes before, but since then they have developed the education and it´s much more now. And costs much more...
I´ve wanted this education before but have opted out it cause it cost too much. Now I really want this education so I can start my buisness again and have more to offer. If I´m going to educate myself again, I want an education like this.
But I`m not meant to do so, obviously.
I want to get a horse, but that won`t happen in many, many years casue I can`t get a loan, and I don´t have a job.
I`m not sure I believe in it, but sometimes it feels like there is someone up there looking down on me and thinking she`s not gonna have any luck, she`s just going to want and dream about things, but nothing is going to come true.

Don`t want to be lonely anymore

I don´t want to be lonely anymore. I want to find love. I feel like I´m not supposed to have someone. I`m supposed to be left without and just dream about it.

A couple of days ago I had this dream where I was taking a course of some kind. It had to do with horses. The course leader was a guy in my age that I found mysef to be interested in, but I think I understood that towards the end of the dream. A girl I worked a little with during an internship was there too, and she was his sister or ebst friend.
When the course ended there was a like a meeting to finish and when it was done everyone left the room and I walked with this girl who was his best friend/sister and talked a little to her. She told me that the course leader liked me, and apparently he was looking for me. So I told her that I was going to go back and then he could find me there.
So when he came back to the rooom I was sitting there looking in a magazine. I didn´t look up until he sat down. He told me that I had put really bad music in hos iPod and then he played me a song. I`ll be - Edwin McCain. I sai that I love that song. And I do. Shortly after that I woke up..

A day or two later I dreamt that I was interested in this cool guy that looked like Liam Hemsworth. He was good looking and popular and the kind of guy that a lot of girls want and who get almost everyone he wants. And I felt like "Is he really interested in me?"

And i I ever find someone who finds me, who falls in love with me, I will probably feel that way. "Is he really interested in me?". I don´t know what it´s like and I`m not sure I could believe it really. I´m so used of being alone. I will never be popular, and I will enver be that good looking girl that every guy wants. Not that I necessarily want to be. I jsut want someone to like me. I don`t want to be lonely anymore.

Almost a week in the apartment

It´s been lmost a week since I moved to the apartment, and it´s going better than I thought. Especially the nights. It´s not too bad going to bed at night, even if I´m alone. Now I hve my dog and I´m glad for that, it makes it a little easier to be here alone. I don´t mind being alone during the days, but I´ve never liked being home alone when it´s time for bed.
When I have lived here for awhile I´m sure I´m not going to think much about it. And even if Troy is still barking at sounds, he is much better than the first two days, so it will be easier on him too.

Poor Troy

We moved to an appartment last Monday and it´s been a little had on him. He´s used to living in a house, not an apartment. His first night here he was very anxious, couldn´t sleep, barking at sounds, wanting to play in the middle of the night. I wasn`t sleeping much either. Every time I was about to fall asleep he was barking at something.
It´s eacher for him now, he´s not as anxious, and doesn´t bark at everything. I think he is the bedroom right now, probably on his bed. He usually wants to be where I am, and if I get up or look where he is, he comes to be with me.
After our morning walk we have a cuddle and resting moment. I´m sitting on the floor and he is lying beside me or partly on me slepping. After awhile I get tired too :)

Bruno Mars - Just the way you are

This is my new favorite song. I just love it.
Doesn´t everyone want someone to sing them a song like this? I would love it if someone I like sang me this song.