Why does everything cost so damn much?

I`m not supposed to do anything, cause everything cost so damn much and I don´t have any money. I want this education to be a physioterapist for horses but it´s so expensive. I´ve taken some of the classes before, but since then they have developed the education and it´s much more now. And costs much more...
I´ve wanted this education before but have opted out it cause it cost too much. Now I really want this education so I can start my buisness again and have more to offer. If I´m going to educate myself again, I want an education like this.
But I`m not meant to do so, obviously.
I want to get a horse, but that won`t happen in many, many years casue I can`t get a loan, and I don´t have a job.
I`m not sure I believe in it, but sometimes it feels like there is someone up there looking down on me and thinking she`s not gonna have any luck, she`s just going to want and dream about things, but nothing is going to come true.

Don`t want to be lonely anymore

I don´t want to be lonely anymore. I want to find love. I feel like I´m not supposed to have someone. I`m supposed to be left without and just dream about it.

A couple of days ago I had this dream where I was taking a course of some kind. It had to do with horses. The course leader was a guy in my age that I found mysef to be interested in, but I think I understood that towards the end of the dream. A girl I worked a little with during an internship was there too, and she was his sister or ebst friend.
When the course ended there was a like a meeting to finish and when it was done everyone left the room and I walked with this girl who was his best friend/sister and talked a little to her. She told me that the course leader liked me, and apparently he was looking for me. So I told her that I was going to go back and then he could find me there.
So when he came back to the rooom I was sitting there looking in a magazine. I didn´t look up until he sat down. He told me that I had put really bad music in hos iPod and then he played me a song. I`ll be - Edwin McCain. I sai that I love that song. And I do. Shortly after that I woke up..

A day or two later I dreamt that I was interested in this cool guy that looked like Liam Hemsworth. He was good looking and popular and the kind of guy that a lot of girls want and who get almost everyone he wants. And I felt like "Is he really interested in me?"

And i I ever find someone who finds me, who falls in love with me, I will probably feel that way. "Is he really interested in me?". I don´t know what it´s like and I`m not sure I could believe it really. I´m so used of being alone. I will never be popular, and I will enver be that good looking girl that every guy wants. Not that I necessarily want to be. I jsut want someone to like me. I don`t want to be lonely anymore.

Almost a week in the apartment

It´s been lmost a week since I moved to the apartment, and it´s going better than I thought. Especially the nights. It´s not too bad going to bed at night, even if I´m alone. Now I hve my dog and I´m glad for that, it makes it a little easier to be here alone. I don´t mind being alone during the days, but I´ve never liked being home alone when it´s time for bed.
When I have lived here for awhile I´m sure I´m not going to think much about it. And even if Troy is still barking at sounds, he is much better than the first two days, so it will be easier on him too.

Poor Troy

We moved to an appartment last Monday and it´s been a little had on him. He´s used to living in a house, not an apartment. His first night here he was very anxious, couldn´t sleep, barking at sounds, wanting to play in the middle of the night. I wasn`t sleeping much either. Every time I was about to fall asleep he was barking at something.
It´s eacher for him now, he´s not as anxious, and doesn´t bark at everything. I think he is the bedroom right now, probably on his bed. He usually wants to be where I am, and if I get up or look where he is, he comes to be with me.
After our morning walk we have a cuddle and resting moment. I´m sitting on the floor and he is lying beside me or partly on me slepping. After awhile I get tired too :)

Bruno Mars - Just the way you are

This is my new favorite song. I just love it.
Doesn´t everyone want someone to sing them a song like this? I would love it if someone I like sang me this song.

Camp Rock 2 The final jam

Ever since I heard of Camp Rock 2 I`ve wanted to see it, and yesterday I was finlly able to watch it. And I love it. I think it´s better than Camp Rock, and I love the songs. I´ve had some of them stuck in my head pretty much all day.
I´m definitely going to watch it again. I saw a little of it this morning, but in Swedish and it´s never as good when it´s dubbed.
I think Demi Lovato has grown a lot and her singing voice has developed a lot. I wish I had a singing voice like hers. I think she is great. Nick Jonas has also grown a lot since the first movie. It´s been two years I think, and a lot can happen in two years, but I still wouldn´t think he is only 17. I think he looks older.
Kevin is doing a good job again, playing Jason. For some reason he is good as that kind of character. It´s the same in JONAS. I don´t know. He is just very good playing that funny stupid person.

No love for me

Since last time I was interested in a guy I´ve always thought that next time I fall for someone, it´s going to be someone who likes me too. But obviously you can`t decide that. It would be weird if you could decide who to fall in love with and who not to fall in love with. But I just want some luck, one time, that is all I ask for.
I haven´t seen the guy now for almosst 2 weeks. I saw him a little last week, and only one time, at a little distance this week, so I haven´t been able to talk to him. Just because I decided I would take a chance and ask him out. I haven´t even been able to talk to talk to the girl who is there painting, and see what she knew about him, just because I decided maybe I should try that, so at least he would know I was interested.
What should I do now? Request a song on the radio that he would probably not even listen to, and still not know how to contact me, if he would be interested in me.
Just forget it, give up and move on as fast as I can. Hopefully I will see him soon, but with my luck, or lack of luck, I will probably never see him again. Or it will take quite some time.
I feel like Tom. Like I don´t believe in love for me. I want to believe that there is someone for everyone, but I feel more like the one who is supposed to be without. I think I´ll stop believeing in love....
If there is a Faith or whatever, he/she is probablu up there somewhere, or wherever he/she is, thinking that I should be without love. I have a lot to give, but just because U really want someone, love and feel loved, I can´t get it...