I tried

For over a week I worked on making an audition tape for a movie. It wasn`t that easy actually. First I used my webcam, then my sister filmed me with he camera. But the first time she could only take some pictures cause the battery was too low.
And when at went to my sister to put the pictures on the CD or what I was going to do, I first emailed my resume to myself, but then when I checked my email, I forgot a letter...
So it´s been a little difficult.
But I sent the audition tapes last Tuesday, so hopefully they will get it. I don`t stand a chance, cause I don´t live in the right country, and I don`t have enouhg acting experience. But at least I tried...

I have decided

Dreaming isn`t getting you anywhere. I have to forget I´m scared of flying. Cause I really wnat to go to the USA. And I really want to be an actress. And how is that going to happen if I don`t anything? The only problem is, I`m not in the USA.... How can I get a acting job there, when I´m not even there? And I haven´t done much at all, so I won`t be able to get an agent.
If I wasn`t so scared of flying I would have gone to the USA several years ago, cause the flying is the only thing really stopping me.
I have my moments when I think, now I`m going to do this. Write my stories, write the scripts, send the stories to publishing houses. Well the last part is what is the easiest thing to do.
I don´t want to go alone to the USA. If I had someone to go with me it would be a lot easier, but I don`t know. Maybe I would have to go alone.
But I have to give a try. I really want it. But nothing will happen if you just sit and wait for it. Nothing will happen if you don`t try.
So. I have to give it a try. I really have to do it. So I´m going to put my other dreams aside and go to the USA as soon as I can. I think. I hope.

Why does everything cost so damn much?

I`m not supposed to do anything, cause everything cost so damn much and I don´t have any money. I want this education to be a physioterapist for horses but it´s so expensive. I´ve taken some of the classes before, but since then they have developed the education and it´s much more now. And costs much more...
I´ve wanted this education before but have opted out it cause it cost too much. Now I really want this education so I can start my buisness again and have more to offer. If I´m going to educate myself again, I want an education like this.
But I`m not meant to do so, obviously.
I want to get a horse, but that won`t happen in many, many years casue I can`t get a loan, and I don´t have a job.
I`m not sure I believe in it, but sometimes it feels like there is someone up there looking down on me and thinking she`s not gonna have any luck, she`s just going to want and dream about things, but nothing is going to come true.