I wish...

I`m listening to a new song by Erik Grönwall, Crash and Burn. And I really like it. He is so damn good, what a voice. I wish I was that good.
And everytime I hear something I really like, see a band or artist that I like that are really good, I wish I was I was that good. And I wish I could work with music, that I was a singer, singing my own songs, or others for that matter. Being on stage. Be someone that I want to be.
I wish....

I wish I could move, start over, be who I could be, be someone. But that´s just dreams.
I feel like I´m too old to change, I should have started 6 (7) years ago, when I was still 20. You can´t turn back time, even though I sometimes wish I was 20 again, with the experience I have now.
I decided to move, but it probably won´t happen. And if it does, I´m probably already 30 years old, and a lot is already too late. Somethings won´t be too late until I´m old, but somethings you want to try now.
I wish.....

I wish I could be who I think I can be. But something is holding me back.
I think that if I was able to be on stage performing, I would be kind of someone else. Casue it would be more of who I want to be I guess. Or what I hope to be. Like some people who are confident and all on stage, and a different person off stage....
I wish...

Recording

I really like the song Strange, and I have listened to it so many time that I almost know it by heart. And I decided to try to record me singing it, and I did. I had to do it a couple of times before I was somewhat satisfied, but I think it turned out okay.At least someone likes it :) I onnly have one comment for the "video", but she liked it, and someone I know that it was good. He still thought I have a very nice voice, but wasn´t sure the song fits me. It will probably sound better with music, but I tried that with In your Shadow I Can Shine but it didn´t turn out so good. It sounded better a cappella, but it usually sounds better with music, so maybe if I can find a karaoke version of Strange I will try.

I will probably ty to record other songs too. But I don´t know if it sounds as good as I want it to be. But there is always someone better, and there is always someone worse...

Strange

Strange by Tokio Hotel feat Kerli is my new favorite song. I just love it! :)
I´ve been listening to it a lot the last week or something. It´s really stuck in my head. I sing it everyday. either in my head or out loud. And when I listen to it I just play it over and over again.
I know at least half the song by heart, but when I sing it to myself I don´t always hold the melody. I`m going to listen to the song until I really know the melody and then try to record it on my computer.
And if I do audition for Swedish "Idol" this year, maybe I will sing that song... It´s a song that I love and I think it suits my voice. At least I hope so :)

Why is everything so complicated

I just decided to move. I´ve felt I need to for a while now, and yesterday I decided to actually do that. I need to move if I´m ever going to try to do all the things I want to do. I can´t do that if I stay here.
I told my parents about it yesterday. And first they thought I should do it. Thought that it was good that I wanted to move and try, I´ve never wanted that before. Partly because I´m very close to my family, my sister is my best friend, and I don´t want to leave them. And I guess I´m afraid of failing, and it´s so much easier to dream, than to actually do it. And dream, I´m the master of that.

But then yesterday, when I had told them I was planning on moving, I was away for a couple of hours and when I came back they had changed their mind. I have a puppy who´s only about 6 months, and I can´t leave him alone a whole day. And what if I have an hour to work, and I have to leave him at a dog day-care and that cost money, and... I had a little breakdown I guess you can say. I had really made up my mind about moving in the fall or something, so I can work a little and get some money before I move. And then they tell me I can´t just because I have a dog. It felt like I´m not supposed to be something. Like I´m not meant to be someone. Just work a little every now and then, stay here, and just not be someone. Just someone that keeps dreaming and wanting things that will never happen.
When I was going to sleep, I had breakdown again. Just because I really feel like I have to move. I have to try to do the things I want to do. I´m not getting any younger, and I´ve been holding myself back for too long. It´s time to do something.
I`ve wanted a dog ever since we had to put the old one to sleep about 7 years ago. And I love my puppy. But, and I know I´m overracting a little bit, but it felt like he was standing in my way, that I can´t move when I have him. I don´t want to wait 13 years when I probably don´t have him anymore. Move then and try doing things then is just a little way too late. And I don´t want to sell him just so I can move.
My parents said that if I stay here, they can help me when I´m at work and stuff. And I know they will, and I understand how they think. But I just got so upset.

I talked to my mom a few minutes ago. And then she asked me how I felt today. And said that if I want to move, I should do that. i can leave the dog with them if I want to. Try to see if I can get an intership at that magazine, like I wanted. But I´m not going to to that. But if they say it´s okay for me to move, and leave the dog with them if I can´t take him with me. i think I will actually move. And hopefully I will be able to take the dog with me.